As Ive watched friends get new friends, or grow closer to other mutual friends, while Im standing behind.

Like a roller coaster, everyone boarded but me.
Im still behind the yellow line, little gate closing. Im watching everyone's face anticipate whats about to happen, excited joyful. Not even realizing, Im not on that ride with them. Or maybe they do see me out of the corner of their eye and they just dont really care. Who knows.

No one knows that when Im alone I just sit and cry.
No one knows how broken my heart really is.

I dont want to share that. I dont want people to see me as a attention hog. Like Im just telling them to make them care. Im good at hiding it I think. But at the same time I wish someone would notice.

I dont know what has changed about me. It has to be me. As so many unrelated people have taken a step away. I wish I could just move and start over. I wish there could be an end to the breaking.

A Decision

My life is in a bit of shambles right now. Im hurting. My heart is a little broken.
Ive grown away from my bestie, other great friends have found new interests.
My hubby is wonderful, but I dont think he understands.

So here I stand. Alone. In the dark.

My emotions are running wild. I find myself thinking way to much.
I feel the tears filling my eyes to a blur.
I dont have anyone to call up. No shoulder to cry on.

So I decided to start a blog, rather a journal, to lay it out there, to share my heart and my feelings.
If no one else ever reads this, thats ok.
Im praying, that this will release some of me stresses, a safe place for me to scream!

So here it goes.